They do say that one small, spur-of-the-moment decision can change your life.<\/p>\n
The last 48 hours have been like nothing I have ever experienced before.<\/p>\n
It all began very innocently: I was underneath the galley trying to stop the water pump squirting all over the ready-use stores when Jeremy Vine popped up on Radio Two to tell Ken Bruce he would be talking about \u201cWhat we will miss when Lockdown ends.\u201d<\/p>\n
Well, of course, my lockdown was a bit different. As you now know, I skipped it entirely \u2013 or rather, I took the social distancing instructions seriously. Boris said: \u201cTwo metres\u201d. I went for 3,629 miles.<\/p>\n
I sent in my pennyworth to Radio Two. After all, my sister had suggested that particular instalment deserved a wider audience.<\/p>\n
Years ago, it wouldn\u2019t have been a problem. I had a column in Yachting World \u2013 and another in the Daily Telegraph. But now I\u2019m old and past it. Most of my former colleagues are long gone \u2013 although old hacks never die. They just pontificate on Facebook.<\/p>\n
I did send a couple of emails to the Guardian, although it wouldn\u2019t surprise me if they lost them. Certainly, they never got back to me.<\/p>\n
But Jeremy Vine not only read my email. He read it out on air to all his 7.42million listeners. I have it here: \u201cI am over 70 and they were telling me that I would have to stay indoors for three months. Instead, I went sailing on my own. I thought I might get arrested if I went through the Dover Strait and so I went over the top of the Shetlands, down to the Azores in mid-Atlantic (didn’t stop) and then back to ask \u2018Is it all over yet?\u2019\u00a0It doesn’t seem to be and I had such a good time that as soon as a spare part arrives, I’ll be off again.\u201d<\/p>\n
It was a shame I missed it. I was on the phone at the time. Still, maybe there would be a flurry of listeners wanting to contact me saying: \u201cHas he got a blog? Has he written a novel? Does he have a magical health supplement? Can I join his remote business and get paid to go sailing too?<\/p>\n
Actually, no. I spent the afternoon with Woody Allen\u2019s autobiography \u2013 and then sat up until two in the morning watching Love and Death<\/em> on Prime.<\/p>\n So, I was still in bed idly marvelling at the news from the USA when the BBC rang: Would I do a ten-minute interview with Jeremy Vine?<\/p>\n Well, of course I would do an interview with Jeremy Vine. I felt sure I could find ten minutes at 1.30 (it doesn\u2019t do to seem too keen).<\/p>\n No sooner did I press the \u201cend call\u201d button than I was out of the sleeping bag, making a list of points to cover and rehearsing my off-the-cuff rhetoric. Mustn\u2019t forget to mention the blog. What would he ask? Just how far offshore is Rockall? Is it cheating to measure from the mainland? The Nutella joke is good\u2026 Remember the blog \u2013 write that down in big letters and keep it next to the phone\u2026<\/p>\n So: An early lunch, charge the phone, ringtone to \u201csilent\u201d \u2026 not the best signal off Trefusis Point but we\u2019re doing it on WhatsApp\u2026<\/p>\n Of course, the rest \u2013 if not history \u2013 is certainly destined for my collection of favourite anecdotes. I was still talking when the messages started pinging in: \u201cYou\u2019re on Radio Two!\u201d (Yes, I know).<\/p>\n I remembered to mention the blog \u2013 in fact Jeremy repeated it at the end, bless him. The afternoon went by in a blur. Everybody rang up. Everybody had heard it \u2013 although when Tamsin gave her mother advance notice, Eira said: \u201cBut our Radio\u2019s on Radio Four.\u201d<\/p>\n – Well, change it, then.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t think we know how…\u201d<\/p>\n Hits on the blog shot up to 5,000 – and counting\u2026<\/p>\n The BBC got through to say \u201cthank you\u201d and how well they thought it had gone \u2013 and then rang back to say that a literary agent wanted to talk to me. Would it be all right to give him my number? (Please, can I pay you to give my number to a literary agent?)<\/p>\n This turns out to be Jeremy Vine\u2019s literary agent \u2013 and Anton du Beke\u2019s \u2013 and a whole lot of other people who I\u2019m sure I would know if I paid more attention to popular culture.<\/p>\n Would I write a book? He was sure he could find a market for it. I had a novel too? Self-published on Amazon? Maybe he could find a home for that as well\u2026<\/p>\n Of course, I mean yes \u2013 please… A proper publisher\u2026 and book tours\u2026 and chat shows and all that champagne and those little canapes with the caviar that falls off onto the carpet\u2026<\/p>\n Ah, but wait: Maybe I should get back to him \u2013 just in case there was an email in my inbox with a million-dollar advance from Random House\u2026<\/p>\n He sent me his CV.<\/p>\n I have spent this morning writing furiously to make up for lost time \u2013 except that I keep stopping every time the phone goes ping<\/em> and somebody else wants the magic supplement. It\u2019s just as well Facebook doesn\u2019t ping \u2013 the part-time money people come in on Facebook because I need to check their profile pictures first (don\u2019t ask). Also, Kindle Direct Publishing has to be refreshed every 20 seconds in case someone else has bought the novel.<\/p>\n Naturally, Random House let me down (and the galley pump is still leaking) but the blog is up to 55,000 hits. More than 300 information packs have gone out for the magic health supplement and I\u2019ve raised the good-taste threshold for profile pictures before I agree to talk about the money thing.<\/p>\n Meanwhile, the agent has gone off to play the recording to all those proper publishers.<\/p>\n If you missed it, here it is:<\/p>\n